the little things & the real things.

The last week was rough.

It all started when my french parents took me to the travel agency to reserve my tickets home for Christmas. Instead, however, we found that tickets off the island have already doubled...to about $2000 to even get just halfway to Texas. It totally broke my heart, but you know...it's ok...I have friends here who have invited me to be with them for the holidays, and it can never hurt me to try something different...to stay here and speak French instead of going back to America for a month and possibly losing everything I've learned. Sure I was sad, but it's not the end of the world.

But then....

I filed for a 70% salary advancement when I first got here. Usually, assistants aren't paid their first paycheck until Dec 1st, which includes two month's pay. But you can ask for the advance, which I was told, would arrive on Nov 1st. So that's what I planned for. That's how much money I took out from my American account, and that's what I counted pennies to make it to. Except Nov 1st was a random holiday. So I waited a day. Then two. Then three. By the 5th, I still had not been paid. Which means I was also 5 days late on my rent, my wi-fi bill, and that my account was now in the negative because they even charge you some fee for not having any money!!

After this, the prinipal at my school gave me a packet of papers saying in two weeks, I am to report to Le Tampon (...) for a week long workshop about teaching english. How I get there, where I stay, and what I eat is all on my own dime. (Or in my case, my already negative dime).

Later that day, I find out some loose ends I had to leave open and in the hand of friends in Texas (my car, my dog, bills in the mail etc) because I simply ran out of time--were still unfinished and now late and/or causing problems with people.

And finally, it turns out that as nice as my roommate is...this apartment is just too small of a living space for two people! We are constantly running in to each other cooking, doing laundry, sleeping, in the shower...it's terrible. And to not have my own room to retreat to for some alone time is wearing on me. On top of this, a few of my french friends have offered me a free room in their houses...so paying 1/3 of my pay to sleep on a couch is suddenly something I wish I was not doing.

soooooooooo i guess you can say i've been worrying a lot the last couple of days, and this is in direct contrast to one of the first phrases I learned on this island..."Pas de soucis!" I locked myself in my apartment for a day and read an entire book in bed.

Saturday night, I forced myself to get up. I had a wonderful creole dinner with PA, Nathalie, Stephanie, her boyfriend, and little Jeremy, and I was snapped back into life.

Everything is going to be okay. Everything is going to be okay. Everything is going to be okay.

Today I layed on the beach with Yazid and Noemie, and our relationship graduated to the next level because we had these great talks about religion, love, and friendship. Eventually, they both fell asleep in the sand right before the sun started to set. I walked closer to the roaring waves.

When I was little, my dad took my brother and I to Canada for a couple of weeks. I remember running as fast as I could down the hill behind the house, stretching my arms out like wings, and leaping straight over salty waves. For a few seconds, I really, really believed I could fly.

Standing there in the sand this afternoon, I felt my heart skip a few beats...that feeling of reckless freedom and hope faintly crept back into my blood. What was it that had me so worried, again?

I turned around to head back to my friends. But they were already right behind me, watching the waves break.

We smiled at each other.