The ups and downs.

If you had asked me a couple of days ago how things were going, I think I might have done a little something like burst into tears. I figured it out, though, I'm going through a phase. I've come to believe that moving to a foreign country is a 7 phase process:

Phase 1: When you first decide/find out you're moving, you are nervous and excited. And somewhat numb to it because it seems so far away. You ask yourself: "Am I really going to go through with this? Will it actually happen?!"

Phase 2: The second phase is planning/preparation/STRESS. You are eager to get on the plane and leave it all behind.

Phase 3: The third phase begins when you arrive in country and everything is new and excting. It doesn't even matter if you're jet lagged because you never want to go to sleep anyway since everything is so super-awesome!!

Phase 4: I entered the fourth phase two days ago when I went to a meeting with the head of the schools I will be teaching at. Besides making the horrifying discovery that I actually DON'T know French as well as I thought...(I understood like maybe 10% of what she said...the official vocab and how fast she was talking made it pretty impossible for me...) she made it clear that I was being closely watched, and as they have never had an assistant at their school before, I would be the determining factor as to if she participates in the program ever again. So no pressure.

So phase four is when you go backwards. Everything is scary and all you want to do is lock yourself in a room, listen to english music, and decide that you DON'T want to learn French anymore, that it's basically impossible, and you KNOW because you've been trying to do it for YEARS!!!!! Oh, and because of your newfound lack of confidence, you basically forget all the French you DID know and lose the ability to talk at all.

Phase 5: This is where I am now. Phase 5 is when you go back and forth between optomism and utter defeat. Probably within hours. Since that meeting, I have had very triumphant moments....like when I walked all over downtown Saint-Denis...(the old fashioned way with my adventure bag on my back, my two feet, and a map!) ...and I found these VERY hidden modeling agencies where I conducted my interviews entirely in French. I also had random conversations with people in a pharmacie, the post office, and the bus.

However.

On the same day, I struggled immensely while forming even just basic sentences with my French family, made an idiot out of myself a few times (like when I asked the lady at the gas station how many midnights it would take to get somewhere, instead of minutes.) And had to hold back tears of frustration while engaging in the impossible task of finding an apartment. Sometimes I feel I'm progressing and in control, and sometimes I feel like I'm a total failure and I'm never going to get where I want to. Uggh.

Phases 6 and 7: I don't know what phase 6 is yet because of I haven't gotten there. But I really am hopeful that something better comes after where I am now!!!! Stage 7 is there because I feel like there is probably like a "wrap up" stage where you come full circle and are a better person for going through all the other crap.

So there you have it. The 7 Stages of Moving to a Forgien Country. Am I screaming, or enjoying the ride? Maybe a little of both. I've always been a little indecisive :-)