Becoming Sirena...Part 1

I grew up in the pool in our backyard. I think from ages 4-9, I only left the water to go to school. And like most girls my age, I've secretly wanted to be a mermaid since 1992. So ya know, I considered myself pretty capable in the water.

Then when I was 19 I went to Hawaii and I guess it was the first time I was REALLY in the ocean. It was back when I was still naive about the world. I scoffed at the "No Swimming--Dangerous Waves" sign and joined the locals in the water. The idea of being afraid never even crossed my mind. It only took about five minutes before I was swept up in a sickening cycle of waves and current. I barely had enough time to gasp in more air before another wave pummeled me and threw me around like a broken doll. I was too shocked to even comprehend what was happening. 

How could this be? The water and I were supposed to be soul mates...

Eventually, someone swam over and saved me from drowning. Most of the locals laughed as I staggered back on the beach, trying to hold up my tattered bathing suit and shrinking dignity. 

Ever since then I have both loved and feared the ocean. 

My favorite guilty online pleasure is to rummage You Tube videos about weird ocean things that wash up after hurricanes. I am constantly amazed by how vast and mysterious the underwater world is. And how incredibly dangerous it can be. Stone fish are one of the most venomous fish in the world and they are pretty common around here. I saw one myself while scuba diving, and lots of people see them in the lagoons. They look exactly like rocks and if you accidentally step on one, you could lose your leg in about an hour, your life if you wait much longer. 

In Reunion I'm kind of lost. People here seem to either hate the ocean and never go near it, or they grew up in it...instead of getting stitches for stepping on rusty nails, they got stitches for stepping on sea urchins. Instead of going to drama club after school, they went surfing. They have scars from falling on corals, from fishing hooks, from being slammed against rocks. 

And they just don't have The Fear. 

A few months ago I was swimming along in the lagoon when suddenly, this asshole fish attacked me!!! It was a Piscasso fish, extremely common here, and as I found out later, really aggressive.

You're a jerk.

This is how an asshole fish attacks you:
-First, you're swimming normally.
-Then out of nowhere, the asshole fish swims up really fast to your face, so you stop in your tracks.
-He backs away...and launches himself at your face again!
-He is sending you lots of hatred and meanness, which you can feel in your soul.
-You get scared and start swimming away, and he swims right next to you, staring you down with his   creepy unblinking eyes, making grotesque clicking noises that chill you to the bones. 

This sounds ridiculous, but it really just tipped the very delicate scale between love and fear for me. I started to avoid the ocean, and when I would go swimming, I avoided Picasso fish at all costs. This is unfortunate, because they are EVERYWHERE. But this crazy Fear was just growing and growing inside of me...

And then, I heard about this audition for an independent short film called "Sirena." They were looking for a mermaid, and Little Jen from 1992 said I WANT THIS ROLE.

I did want the role, but The Fear was strong. In fact, I did everything I could to tell the director I was not right for the part. I found out he was looking for a mixed-race Reunion girl with long black hair. Sad but relieved, I sent my pictures anyway, saying something like; "if ever you need a blonde American for another role one day...I exist." He wanted to see me. The auditions were scheduled on a day I was working, so I said, "thanks for the opportunity, and please keep me in mind for future projects..." and so he changed the date so that I could be there. 

At the audition, the first thing he said to the two mixed-race, long haired Reunion girls competing against me: "So, you are both synchronized swimmers?" I literally shouted "REALLY?!" and knew that the audition was over for me. He had us do these crazy things--go underwater and swim together, with the two on the ends crossing in front of the middle person, synchronized, beautiful, animalistic, with no hands, no mask, and...ok GO. 

After about an hour of insane underwater games like that, where I was mostly just trying not to drown and the other two were gracefully tossing their stupid beautiful hair over their shoulders while holding their breath for 5 minutes and diving like dolphins...it was over. IT WAS OVER!! Literally, I was so happy to discover that I could open my eyes underwater, I wrote it off as a great day of personal accomplishment. 

I heard nothing for a week and was neither surprised nor sad. 

Then I got a text. "We are counting on you for the role of Sirena." 

Surely it must be a mistake. 

I told him I planned a vacation for most of the time he said he'd be filming. 

Happiness and dread simultaneously stabbed at my heart. 

It was confirmed. The dates aren't a problem. 

 I am Sirena. 

To be continued...