Home Sweet Home.

So...we are currently homeless. Richard was apartment hunting while I was in the US but to no avail...he works through the hours of normal apartment showings and also we have really ridiculous expectations for an apartment.

My list includes:

Garden (for when I bring my dog Charlie!)

An "American" sized kitchen.

Two bedrooms.

Within walking distance to a supermarket, a bus stop, etc since I can't drive.

Air conditioning! 

Between 800-850 euros a month.

His list includes:

Directly next to the ocean. (I think this is the unspoken official number one priority.)

Between 800-950 euros a month. (I want to save the extra 100/month for decorating the place!)

A modern bathroom with a shower.

A parking space.

Air conditioning. 

Within reasonable commuting distance whether he works in the north or in the south. 

As you might imagine, finding a new, two bedroom, cheap apartment in the middle of a city with a terrace garden but also next to the ocean is a pretty difficult task. 

We've been staying with our friend Cristian in the meantime, which has been awesome because he has a beautiful dream house with a pool surrounded by a garden of palm trees. 

Fresh papaya from Richard's dad.

But at night, the Wild Things come. 

One night, Richard and I were sitting down to dinner, and the BIGGEST babouk (giant spider) I've ever seen comes trotting in through the front door, without even asking.

After freaking out for a while, I begged Richard not to kill it just because it's ugly. So we left it alone, thinking "it's more afraid of us than we are of it." That was absolutely false. That thing literally followed me around the house. For an hour, anywhere I looked, there it was. Across from us as we were eating, then suddenly on the wall behind me in the bathroom, and finally it charged at me as I stood screaming on the couch. As it turned out, Richard noticed evil babouk spawn darting everywhere on the white walls under the proud mommy, and that's when we decided it was time. After a comically long battle between Richard and Super Babouk Who Refused to Die, the house was free of little beasts for the night. The next day, we were visited by some mutant cockroaches, and the day after that I saved a lizard from drowning in the pool. Ah, paradise. 

I'll admit...at the end of two months of VERY long distance between Richard and I, where I was having a wonderful time in my own country with my family, it was really, really hard to get on that plane again. I was asked more than once, by more than one person "are you sure this is what you want to do?" And each time it made me think. I don't think I believe in "knowing" that someone is the one for you. I don't think anyone "knows" anything, really, when it comes to making life decisions. I think there is always going to be doubt or fear when you make a big commitment, but what happens is that you decide it's what you want to do, and then you take responsibility for doing everything in your power to make it work.

I did learn something new, though. I find that when you make choices that are right for you...you get petit affirmations all the time that say you're on the right path. The doubt and fear might pop back up now and then, but they are always followed by affirmations. For example...I'll be honest. I was filled with this sickening panic for a week before I left my parent's house to come back to Reunion. Literally I felt like I had giant balloons for lungs that stayed a little too inflated all the time, leaving no room to breathe. This feeling stayed with me until I stepped off the plane and in to Richard's arms. I felt the balloons deflate back to normal and there was this strange comfort that seeped down my body. On the way down, it sighed "oooh yeah...I'm home." That's never happened before. Anytime the doubts or fears crept up in other relationships, they always, always exploded into a mess that was never really resolved, just scarred over and ignored. 

So, you know? Life is good. I'm really happy. Homeless? Jobless? Eh whatever. 

It will all come in time. I have no regrets.

Except maybe for authorizing the murder of that innocent babouk, but ew. That was just gross.

Gaylord, Michigan.

So my two month sabbatical is actually coming to a close; I'm heading back to the other side of the world on Tuesday.

My first month back in the States was mostly just anxiety-filled running around; from New York, to war with the French Embassy in Chicago, to trying to spend a tiny bit of quality time with all the people I love. My second month was spent in Gaylord Michigan, where there is no anxiety because it has all been killed by frostbite and buried in the snow.

What does one do, in Gaylord Michigan in the dead of winter, you might ask?

First, you stay inside because it's been two years since you've been on the same side of the world as winter, and it is COLD.

Then, after you start to get cabin fever from staying inside, you try to venture out. That's when you either get a giant, ice-covered tree to fall on top of your car (which Sue did on her way to work), or you get your car stuck in the snow a quarter of a mile away from the house and have to wave down passers-by to help push you out again. 

(This is not actually my car because I was too freaked out to be taking pictures while we were stuck, but this was the general idea.)

After that, you accept that you will stay inside the house for the remainder of your time in Gaylord. That's when you start watching every Harry Potter movie. Twice.

After that, you do "projects." Like reorganizing your storage bins, scrapbooking your photos from the past fifteen years, or you team up with your Dad for the Ultimate Official Photo Project! We went through tons of old boxes and attempted to organized pictures and things saved from generations and generations of Damps. 

Great Grandpa and his buds in 1906

Great Grandma and her church choir friends

Great Grandpa Damp

Regular Grandpa!

Probably one of the most interesting finds was someones old gold teeth. 

One afternoon, Sue and I had a genius plot to go cash in these gold teeth and then use the money to buy Chinese food. Unfortunately, once we got to the car, we realized we did not have the right keys to the car. Or the keys to get back inside the house. Or a cell phone. Thankfully, Dad was getting off work in about a half hour (or so we thought) so we could wait. We went for a walk. We huddled in the barn, which turned out to be colder than outside, as it was an abnormally sunny day. We tried to move fallen trees from the path. An hour later, my toes were numb and it was COLD. We decided to make a fire.

Somehow, it did not work.

Dad strolled up a half hour after that. We spent the rest of the evening under our covers.

Another thing to do if you're up North is to go to Bronner's, which is the biggest Christmas store in the world. If you really want to mix things up, you should hang out in the "Around the World" section. You never know who you might meet. Sue and I went there to find a Christmas ornament from Belgium, since that's where her ancestors are from. While we were searching, some lady next to us asks "Oh, you have family from Belgium? That's random, I have a foreign exchange 'son' with me right here, from Belgium!" Since French is one of their official languages, I asked him a question, and suddenly we're having a conversation in French about Reunion Island and his studies in Michigan. Oh, the Places You'll Go....

Also I put on some snowpants and tried to build a snowman! 

Sadly, the snow was powder so instead I wrestled with the dogs.

And finally, I've had a looooot of time to think. Being back home and having these wonderful moments with my parents has made this whole moving to a far away Island thing a little more heartbreaking. Which is kind of ironic, because I kind of credit all this island stuff for the great relationship we have now. We've spent more time together since I've moved out of the country than we have during the 5 years I lived in Texas.

There's a quote that says something like "there are two gifts we should give to our children; one is roots and the other is wings." I feel really lucky that I have parents who support me in any choice I make for my life, (even one to move to the other side of the world) and have never once uttered a negative or judgmental comment about anything...even when I've messed up big. And no matter what happens, I am still welcomed with open arms any time life brings me back to Gaylord Michigan.

I've definitely gotten lost in my head a couple times, worrying about what the future looks like and what I want for it. It gets scary when you think in absolutes, like "this is what it will be like FOREVERRRRR!" Dude, who knows what the future could bring? I barely know what the next six months will look like, let alone five years from now. All I can say is that right now, I do really want to try this life out on Reunion Island with Richard. This might be "another mistake to add to my list," as my eloquent Great-Aunt recently told me in a hate mail. But honestly, that's life, and I like to take my chances. I'm okay with that. And so are the people who matter.

On an EVEN SADDER note, I can't bring Charlie with me!!!!!! I will have to leave him here until Richard can help me with him when we come visit in August.

This photo was taken just after I told Charlie that Santa isn't real.

So here's to a new year, a new chapter, and to loving, positive relationships in our lives.

Oh, and new hair. Also to new hair. Had to go back natural, hair dye is expensive on islands!! 

Farewell, 2012.

2012 was awesome because I traveled a lot. (Reunion Island, South Africa, Paris, London, New York, Austin, Dallas, Detroit, Chicago, Macinac Island, and of course, Gaylord!) And as always with travel, comes a new viewpoint and new attitude on life. 2012 was also a little rocky at times, because I had to make some difficult decisions about which fork in the road to take.

Here are two of the most important things I've learned in 2012:

One: Don't settle. If for some reason you don't like where your life is at the moment, change it. I promise you, you have the power to do that. Change it as many time as you need to feel like you've got the right combination. Sometimes it's scary, because the thing you might want is unknown, and the unhappiness/unsatisfiedness you're living in now is safe and not unbearable. I completely understand this dilemma. But if you're living with a quiet but uncomfortable nagging feeling in the back of your head that's saying "this isn't exactly right..." I would take the leap just to see. One of my favorite quotes by Anais Nin: "And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful that the risk it took to blossom."

Two: Another quote. "Do not chase people. Be you, do your own thing, work hard. The right people who belong in your life will come to you, and will stay." It's sad to realize that sometimes we outgrow relationships in our life because we are no longer the same people. But don't keep wasting your time being the only person making an effort in a relationship---any relationship. That time is better spent appreciating and developing relationships in your life that work both ways.

A little 2012 Flashback:



I've loved writing this blog. Not only does it give me motivation to journal for the first time in years, it's become very therapeutic. I love sharing my life with you--my family and friends (and maybe whoever accidentally stumbles on this page from time to time.)  Whenever I've doubted myself, you've always been right here with me to cheer me up or cheer me on.

My New Year's resolution is put more of an effort into the positive, enriching relationships in my life that sometimes I take for granted. I'm also going to make it my mission to get back on stage, performing in some capacity!

I hope that 2013 is a magical year for all of us.

And remember I'm always here if you ever need to talk. xoxo