The Luckiest

I've been trying to write something about my wedding for a few weeks now, but every time I start I just can't find the right words. I don't want to paint it as this impossibly perfect fairy tale, because it wasn't. But then when I downplay it like that, it takes away from what turned out to be one of the happiest days of my life--one of the few times that I was actually living in the moment--and it was truly one of pure bliss.

I mean, to be frank--the wedding notion didn't start off in the most ideal fashion. First off, we debated about even getting married, because in France you have the option to get PACS'ed--the legal benefits without actually getting married. We were both kinda scared and a little rushed, as you might expect from an international relationship with Visa restrictions and working permits. It took a LOT of talking, a lot of soul-searching, some research on French laws, and then a lot more talking to decide against PACS and for marriage.

When we finally reached this decision, it was only one month away from my Visa deadline, which really stressed Richard's parents out, who I'm sure had imagined a much more traditional (read: time consuming) wedding for their son. (And one of Richard's sisters who is studying abroad wouldn't be able to make it, which was really difficult for his close-knit family.) Since none of my family or friends would be able to come, (except, in the end, two amazing girls from Texas, Thank GOD!) I was not the least bit stressed and also kind of disinterested in the party. I imagined a little ceremony at the courthouse, a dinner with immediate family that night, and a small beach party with some friends the day after. Thankfully, that's what we finally landed on.

I won't bore you with the details, but the stress became contagious and every day for that month was a crazy sprint. But in the end, I think everything turned out to be a perfect balance between what I wanted, what Richard wanted, and some Creole/Catholic traditions his family hoped we would honor.

So the week before the wedding, we took my American friends on a series of island adventures, which totally de-stressed the two of us and served as a lovely precursor into Wedding Weekend.

At 10:00 Saturday morning, the hair stylist stuck a giant orchid branch to my head, signaling the start of Wedding Weekend Madness.

Flurries of people were in and out of the apartment, including Richard's sis, her husband, and their two small children who could be seen at any given time simultaneously laughing, crying, jumping, and throwing things.

At some point, Richard came back from decorating the rest of the restaurant and we were forced to play hide and seek as we both used the apartment to get ready. This included a lot of "go hide in the kitchen while Richard walks to the bathroom!" And then a half hour later: "Am I allowed to leave my room now?" At first I was pretty annoyed, but somehow I ended up in the kitchen a lot with someone who was offering me a shot of rum. After a few of those, hide and seek seemed like the funnest game ever!

Finally the time had come, and my girls and I slid into the backseat of someone's car. I'm not going to lie, I was nervous. I can't imagine what I would have felt like if I didn't have Bri and Taylor with me in that moment. During the whole car ride they told me silly stories and jokes and gossip that would help me to not cry. So instead we laughed a lot. It was so perfect.

I am SO LUCKY they were there...

Everyone going to the wedding drives in a line with flowers on their cars. After you leave the town hall, everyone continues to travel together, but with non-stop honking. Then all the passers-by wave at you on the street and clap.

When we arrived in front of the courthouse, I was finally allowed to see Richard. We waited outside for our turn to go in, so we took a few pictures, settled the last of the paperwork, and then things started moving.

like father, like son...I think 80% of the photos of them both are with blinky eyes...

Richard's dad took me by the arm (standing in for where my dad would've been) and walked me upstairs into the courthouse. I was so nervous I thought I would throw up. We stood at the front of the table, with Richard's parents to one side, and Bri, my stand-in mom, to the other. Taylor, my witness, was to my left side, and Richard's witnesses were to his right. Sylvie, my first witness, who had her baby three days before, wasn't able to make it to the courthouse but luckily she joined us right after.

The poor French court lady was terrified to pronounce my name wrong, and every time she would say it, she would glance at me as if to say "did I get it?!" which made me laugh. When I laughed, the rest of the room laughed and the scariness and nervousness broke away and floated out the open windows.

That's around the time when little 4 year old Arthur came up to me at the table in the middle of the everything and asked me if I was going to go to McDonald's with his family after the ceremony. Hahah!!! After that, there was no way I could be afraid or teary-eyed. I was laughing and having fun and getting married to the man I loved, and I couldn't wait!

I had never been to a French wedding, and I guess looking back I wish I would've been more prepared. But suddenly, the French court lady turned to me, saying "Jennifer, est-ce que vous really fast formal French, really fast formal French, really fast formal French?" And turned the microphone to me. I glanced out of the corner of my eye to Richard "ummm what do I say?" I asked out loud in English. "Oui." He smiled. "Oui!" I nodded triumphantly and the room, again, erupted in laughter.

Richard's "Oui" was far less embarrassing.

 

time to be "official"

Then we did an exchanging of the rings, which apparently NEVER happens at the courthouse. But Richard's mom really wanted this to be as close to a wedding at the church as possible, so she pulled some strings...

The French court lady gave each of us the microphone to say something while we were placing the ring on each other's finger, which is so unfair because I would've totally written some incredible tear-jerking vows if I had known, AND translated them in French AND it would have been awesome, but I was completely unprepared. So Richard makes up some beautifully perfect crap like "You have made me the happiest man in the world, and I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you." And then it's my turn and I'm dumbfounded as to what I should say in ENGLISH let alone translating it to French! So I dumbly say (in English) "In my country, when exchanging rings, we say 'with this ring, I thee wed...(OMG I'm such an idiot)" and they demanded a French translation, so I said (in French) "It means, with this ring, I promise to share my life with you."

And this is my "Oh crap..." face

Everyone seemed pleased enough with that, so then the French court lady read us this beautiful poem (I'm guessing that might be another of Richard's mom's touches) and she walked us out the door.

Pictures pictures pictures, of course, and then as we left the courthouse we were pelted (thanks, Arthur) with rice. Traditionally, French couples would then move to the church to do their religious ceremony, as they don't blend the legal part with the religious part like we do in the US. We decided to forgo that, so we moved on to more pictures in the Garden of Eden and on the beach. Then it was time to party!

yay France

  

  

So we walked on to the beach for some pictures and everyone started applauding...then these girls cried out "Long live the Married Couple!!" And Richard noticed they were sitting on an American flag towel! He told them that I'm American and the girl said, "well you MUST take a pic with your flag!!" The rest of the beach erupted in applause again :-)

The reception was just perfect. Richard's mom and her friend sang. His sister Valerie's father in-law (who is a Pastor) said some words for us before dinner. We danced. Our first song was "Your Song" but of course, the Moulin Rouge version. We used to sing that ALL the time together in the car when we first started dating. We sang it to each other then, as we danced. 

Much to the surprise of my two American friends and I, dinner was not served all at once. We danced, then we ate appetizers. Then we danced again, and then we ate...um another appetizer course? Then we danced again, then dinner. (We decided this is why French people stay so skinny...) Some more dancing...then fireworks and Chinese lanterns on the beach...

For the cake, they decided to have a bunch different of Creole/French options...but the French dessert I REALLY love is a strawberry pie, (which apparently is not fancy enough for a wedding so at first I was vetoed by the family...) but they made one especially for me...and of course, it was the best!!

It was a perfect night. 

But in normal French style, the wedding was NOT over!! On the second day, we invited 50 more people to come help us celebrate. In the beginning we planned to do a pig roast on the beach, the same way I met Richard for his 30th birthday. But the pig guy wouldn't answer his phone for a week before the wedding, and so we freaked out and just booked a second day at the hotel. It worked out perfectly. The food was great and the decorations were already in place. 

Fruit table thanks to Richard's Dad, the fruit farmer!

So ever since we first started dating, we made up these dorky secret identities for when we went out, where he would always try to re-pick me up by the end of the night...he was a "scary pirate" and I was a mermaid named Cosette. So I tried to sneak our secret identities into the wedding...it was easy to find pirate ships but I never found a mermaid! So sad...maybe one day.  

Leave us a message in the bottle! 

My French family--The Junots, and my first French "Dad" Pierre-Alexandre ;-)

Julie and Christian...we stayed with them for a month in January when I first came back and we were still apartment searching.

Manu, Sylvie (who are responsible for Richard and I meeting) and baby Lou! 

awkward/terrified

The Junots <3

The absolute greatest thing about this day was seeing all of the different groups of French people that I love all in the same room together, talking and laughing and drinking and having fun. It was like a physical representation of the beginning of a life here...and it made me feel like I'm not as alone as I sometimes feel. And thanks to Taylor and Bri, I felt more like myself than I had in a long time.

Looking back, (and I mean throughout our entire long-distance, international relationship) all of the doubt, fear, indecision, and stress was definitely not the easiest of times for either of us. But now I can say that I'm thankful for the way everything happened, because it made us seriously consider what we really want in life and make a conscious decision to stay together and share the rest of our lives together. The wedding was a perfect start to a new chapter...allowing us to turn the page on the past and do so knowing we have a lot of people who love and support us through this journey. 

Richard enjoyed being a groom so much that he is planning a sequel in Vegas. 

And you know I'm always down for an adventure...