Rules of Engagement

I spent my early twenties making big decisions I didn't know I wasn't ready to make. I don't really want to label these decisions as "mistakes" or even as "bad," because at the time, they were the only choices I could have made for my maturity level, and there's no use in regretting the past. However, as I grew up, my desires and opinions changed, nullifying any previously made big decisions, which in turn, ended up hurting people.  The realization that so much inside you can change as the years pass--in ways you couldn't have imagined before as your younger self--scared me away from making big decisions involving anyone else. That way, if I changed my mind, no one gets hurt.

When I got on the plane to come back to Reunion, I knew that I was dangerously playing with forever. But as an homage to my past, I wanted to really make sure that this was a decision that I wanted to make, for Present Jen and for Future Jen.

I can't tell you exactly when it changed from "maybe" to "yes!" but it did. Looking back, I think perhaps my subconscious knew it all along--she was just waiting for Conscious Jen to come to the conclusion on her own.

All of this deep thought doesn't yield to a spontaneous, film-worthy engagement story. But for me, our story is so much better. And here's why--because the engagement, the ring, the showers, the wedding ceremony--none of it really matters. What matters is the relationship and the foundation you have built together. All of the other stuff---it's just stuff. It's just a party. It's a symbol of the relationship. These are the things I love about Richard: He is ambitious. He is intelligent. He has the same passions that I do. And he honestly, genuinely, and selflessly loves me. We have a mutual respect, and it feels like we are on the same team. It is so different from anything else I've ever known.

It makes me nervous to say all that, because I have no idea what the future can change, in either of us. Is anyone ever completely confident in such a big decision after making so many wrong ones before? All I can say for now is that I honestly want to discover what the future has in store as one part of this team.

So we started slowly. We went to the Town Hall and asked for the paperwork for a French person to marry a foreigner. We looked through it (holy crap is it extensive...) and talked to a lawyer. We found out I could stay on a visa if we registered as a PACS couple--it's a legal agreement that allows unmarried but cohabitating couples in France to have the same rights as married couples. But after thinking about it for a while, we both decided that we wanted to be married.

And then, a few Saturdays later, Richard came into the living room and asked me if I wanted to go ring shopping!

We drove up to St. Denis and started going through the jewelry shops. It was really windy and cloudy and we walked arm in arm down the streets. I was really not interested in spending tons of money on a ring, in fact, I would have been happy with a nice looking fake one. I just wanted something simple, elegant, and unique. We went everywhere--the good shops, the cheap ones---trying on everything and taking pictures. It was so much fun. We had a couple favorites already picked out. At the last minute though, we decided just to take a quick look inside this really expensive jewelry store, Narsy. Originally, we weren't even going to step foot inside it, assuming it was out of our budget. But we were having fun, and we ran out of other stores to try, so we thought, "what the heck?"

We walked upstairs, past glowing display cases of sparkling jewels, lavish wrist-watches, and pearl earrings.

Mr. Narsy himself sat us down and showed us six rings he thought we would like, based on my pictures from the other stores. He talked us through everything--specifics about the diamonds, the shapes, their stories. No one in the other stores said much more to us than the price of the ring we were asking about. Mr. Narsy was clearly a man who loved what he did. His family's business had three generations of Narsy men working in the store, and you could tell the pride he had to be part of such a life changing experience for so many people. We chose the ring together, and after Mr. Narsy polished it, put it in the little black box and showed it to us one last time, chills ran throughout my entire body.

Real AND still in our budget! 

Richard asked me to wait a little bit before wearing it. He is quite traditional, and wanted to extend some kind of contact with my parents, since they hadn't talked or met yet. Also, he wanted to make everything official in a much more romantic way. So I waited.

A few Saturdays later, he told me to get dressed up because we were going to dinner in the south. I knew exactly what it meant, but I didn't mention the ring, and neither did he. A few hours later, we were standing in front of the restaurant where we had our first date. Le Flagrand Délice.

I had the same thing as last time--my favorite fancy dish ever--Scallops! 

We had an amazing dinner, the food and wine were incredible. We talked about everything and nothing. And then, just like on our very first date, we went for a walk on the boardwalk next to the ocean.

The boardwalk was almost empty. Everyone was across the road, partying in the clubs. On our right, the ocean was violently crashing against the rocks. On our left, the rolling mountains above St. Pierre were twinkling softly with lights from a thousand cozy houses. We walked right through the center of both lives--the wild adventurous one, and the loving, safe idea of home. I remember thinking that if we can manage to create a life with both parts, I think we'll do just fine.

We walked out onto the rocks that jutted into the ocean. Well actually, the ocean was so rough that he carried me to the other side--every wave threatened to drench me and knock me down. It was there that we shared our first kiss almost a year ago. It seems like a lot longer. This time, after he kissed me, I opened my eyes and there was that lovely little black box. Then he said "Would you like to become my wife?" In the sweetest French my ears have ever heard.

"Yes," I whispered, throwing my arms around his neck.

And then, the rest of our lives began.