The Other Side of Paradise

So Mr. Pardon has decided to continue English lessons with me until I leave on November 18. This is awesome for many reasons, especially the unexpected money. (Yay now I can afford to buy my ticket back again!) It is slightly un-awesome, because I had to cancel my driving lessons, and my French is beginning to suffer now that I spend all day speaking English. I barely even have time to do my French homework for my class on Thursdays. Also...I was kind of running out of creative ways for us to learn English, and the last few days have literally almost bored BOTH of us to death. After yesterday's lesson, I told Mr. Pardon that we have to wake up and do something new. I suggested that for our next lesson, he should take me somewhere very "Reunion" and explain to me in English something about the culture or history.

We went on our first adventure today in St. Denis, visiting two Cathedrals and walking around the city running errands. As we discussed the city, I realized that I have never actually shared with my family and friends back home the "other side" of this Island. I post a billion pictures of beautiful beaches, sunsets, mountain hikes, and dense, story-book forests...but the every day life here is something I've never really shared. It's not beautiful. And because of that, it is...

Dodo is the official beer of Reunion-brewed here in St. Denis.

Cow parking is next to car parking.

In front of the beach.

Some apartments.

The street behind the church.

People live/work here. 

Abandoned House in the middle of to two newer homes. 

 Abandoned house next to a newly renovated church.

This is a school. And not an abandoned one either!

The streets of St. Denis

It's a strange juxtaposition. The graffiti and the old ruined buildings make you think you're in a dangerous area. But it's not like that here. Almost everything is covered in graffiti, and most of it is considered art. The old abandoned buildings (almost every other house) for whatever reason are never torn down, and instead they stand all disheveled next to "newer" structures (which are still maybe 30 years old). Things are just old here. There is no rush to paint everything all white and pretty again. Here, buildings wear their histories like scars they are proud of.

Reunion is very unique. The cascades, the mountains, the ocean water so clear you can see 60 feet below are definitely a huge part of life here. But Reunion has another face, and that is daily life in the villages. I think many Americans would immediately write the place off as poor and dirty, admittedly as I did when I first arrived. But if you get to know some of the history, you can see beauty in the mess, antiquity in the oldness, and a very rich culture that runs deep. At one point, the American in me dreamed of getting my hands on some government funds, tearing down all the old stuff and rebuilding St. Denis into something beautiful and new, like a Miami or a Key West. But to do that would be to erase years and years of people and stories. And I believe that is worth so much more than the neon lights of department stores and the American version of perfection.

Rules of Engagement

I spent my early twenties making big decisions I didn't know I wasn't ready to make. I don't really want to label these decisions as "mistakes" or even as "bad," because at the time, they were the only choices I could have made for my maturity level, and there's no use in regretting the past. However, as I grew up, my desires and opinions changed, nullifying any previously made big decisions, which in turn, ended up hurting people.  The realization that so much inside you can change as the years pass--in ways you couldn't have imagined before as your younger self--scared me away from making big decisions involving anyone else. That way, if I changed my mind, no one gets hurt.

When I got on the plane to come back to Reunion, I knew that I was dangerously playing with forever. But as an homage to my past, I wanted to really make sure that this was a decision that I wanted to make, for Present Jen and for Future Jen.

I can't tell you exactly when it changed from "maybe" to "yes!" but it did. Looking back, I think perhaps my subconscious knew it all along--she was just waiting for Conscious Jen to come to the conclusion on her own.

All of this deep thought doesn't yield to a spontaneous, film-worthy engagement story. But for me, our story is so much better. And here's why--because the engagement, the ring, the showers, the wedding ceremony--none of it really matters. What matters is the relationship and the foundation you have built together. All of the other stuff---it's just stuff. It's just a party. It's a symbol of the relationship. These are the things I love about Richard: He is ambitious. He is intelligent. He has the same passions that I do. And he honestly, genuinely, and selflessly loves me. We have a mutual respect, and it feels like we are on the same team. It is so different from anything else I've ever known.

It makes me nervous to say all that, because I have no idea what the future can change, in either of us. Is anyone ever completely confident in such a big decision after making so many wrong ones before? All I can say for now is that I honestly want to discover what the future has in store as one part of this team.

So we started slowly. We went to the Town Hall and asked for the paperwork for a French person to marry a foreigner. We looked through it (holy crap is it extensive...) and talked to a lawyer. We found out I could stay on a visa if we registered as a PACS couple--it's a legal agreement that allows unmarried but cohabitating couples in France to have the same rights as married couples. But after thinking about it for a while, we both decided that we wanted to be married.

And then, a few Saturdays later, Richard came into the living room and asked me if I wanted to go ring shopping!

We drove up to St. Denis and started going through the jewelry shops. It was really windy and cloudy and we walked arm in arm down the streets. I was really not interested in spending tons of money on a ring, in fact, I would have been happy with a nice looking fake one. I just wanted something simple, elegant, and unique. We went everywhere--the good shops, the cheap ones---trying on everything and taking pictures. It was so much fun. We had a couple favorites already picked out. At the last minute though, we decided just to take a quick look inside this really expensive jewelry store, Narsy. Originally, we weren't even going to step foot inside it, assuming it was out of our budget. But we were having fun, and we ran out of other stores to try, so we thought, "what the heck?"

We walked upstairs, past glowing display cases of sparkling jewels, lavish wrist-watches, and pearl earrings.

Mr. Narsy himself sat us down and showed us six rings he thought we would like, based on my pictures from the other stores. He talked us through everything--specifics about the diamonds, the shapes, their stories. No one in the other stores said much more to us than the price of the ring we were asking about. Mr. Narsy was clearly a man who loved what he did. His family's business had three generations of Narsy men working in the store, and you could tell the pride he had to be part of such a life changing experience for so many people. We chose the ring together, and after Mr. Narsy polished it, put it in the little black box and showed it to us one last time, chills ran throughout my entire body.

Real AND still in our budget! 

Richard asked me to wait a little bit before wearing it. He is quite traditional, and wanted to extend some kind of contact with my parents, since they hadn't talked or met yet. Also, he wanted to make everything official in a much more romantic way. So I waited.

A few Saturdays later, he told me to get dressed up because we were going to dinner in the south. I knew exactly what it meant, but I didn't mention the ring, and neither did he. A few hours later, we were standing in front of the restaurant where we had our first date. Le Flagrand Délice.

I had the same thing as last time--my favorite fancy dish ever--Scallops! 

We had an amazing dinner, the food and wine were incredible. We talked about everything and nothing. And then, just like on our very first date, we went for a walk on the boardwalk next to the ocean.

The boardwalk was almost empty. Everyone was across the road, partying in the clubs. On our right, the ocean was violently crashing against the rocks. On our left, the rolling mountains above St. Pierre were twinkling softly with lights from a thousand cozy houses. We walked right through the center of both lives--the wild adventurous one, and the loving, safe idea of home. I remember thinking that if we can manage to create a life with both parts, I think we'll do just fine.

We walked out onto the rocks that jutted into the ocean. Well actually, the ocean was so rough that he carried me to the other side--every wave threatened to drench me and knock me down. It was there that we shared our first kiss almost a year ago. It seems like a lot longer. This time, after he kissed me, I opened my eyes and there was that lovely little black box. Then he said "Would you like to become my wife?" In the sweetest French my ears have ever heard.

"Yes," I whispered, throwing my arms around his neck.

And then, the rest of our lives began.

Nothing is a Coincidence.

"If you believe in coincidence...then you aren't paying attention."

-David Life

Here are some "new age" things I believe in:

1.) The book, "Conversations with God." (I'm not very eloquent in summarizing this ideology, but I'm going to try anyway.) Think of God as the ocean. Then imagine taking some buckets and filling them with water from the ocean. They are all part of the ocean, but now they are in separate containers. These containers are us--our bodies, and so therefore, we all have a part of God inside us. We have the power to create our world and our life. We do this so that we (God) can experience him(her/it)self, because just knowing something or being told something does not have the same effect as actually living something.

2.) The book "The Secret" which I'm sure you've all heard of by now. Or read. I agree, some of the message has been pushed towards the gimmicky---but the basic idea that our thoughts manifest in our lives is what I believe in. This can happen in positive or negative ways, which is why it's so hard...we (or at least I) am geared towards preparing for the worst. Trying to prepare for the best is difficult, but if you can honestly 100% convince yourself that you already have what you want for long enough I really promise it will show up in your life.

3.) Astrology. And not those dumb "horoscopes" you get in magazines or newspapers. My favorite astrologist is Susan Miller from astrology zone. We can all agree that the moon has a magnetic pull on the tides, right? So why is it so far-fetched to think that the alignment of the stars and the moon have a magnetic pull on us? We are, after all, simply composed of vibrating atoms of energy. Not everything Susan Miller says in her monthly reading applies to me in my life, and I definitely don't put my life in her hands. But if she says the upcoming full moon could be a good time to take a trip, I might try to make it happen. If she recommends not signing a contract this weekend because Mercury is in retrograde, I might find a better time to do it. So far, she's been pretty right on...

I also believe that there are no coincidences in life. If things seem to line up, I believe that it's life trying to tell you something. Sometimes I find that I go through a period of a couple of months where I'm just existing, where nothing really exciting happens and life just goes. Then there are times when things line up and I ignore them. And then sometimes, things line up and I go for it.

I'm telling you all this because things are lining up right now, and I feel like I'm going to try to go for it.

I can't tell you exactly what is lining up, because I don't know. But here are my clues:

I went on a hike last weekend with American Erin and her friends, and her and i ended up walking down the mountain together. We got into a really intense conversation about coincidences and religion, what happens after death and stuff like that. I told her I believe there is something after this life because of what happened with my mom.*
                           *side story: After my mom died, my little 9 year old brain thought that if I wrote her a letter and left it by the windowsill at night with extra paper and a pen, she would write me back, kind of like the tooth fairy. Obviously I outgrew that idea, but once during a particularly dramatic adolescent day of high school, I decided to write her a letter again. I had the radio tuned to the station we loved together, and while I was writing to her, my "song" for her (in high school you make official songs for everything, of course) came on. It was "Arms of the Angel" by Sarah McLaughlin. My heart stopped and I took it as a sign she was with me. The song ended before I finished the letter, and I was disappointed. Then, on the radio, the D.J. (Alan Almond, for my Michiganders) said "You know, I really like that song. Let's play it again." I couldn't believe it. When does that ever happen live on the radio?

And so Erin and I agreed that we have no idea what this whole life and death stuff is about, but that organized religion doesn't answer the questions for us. Looking back after this week, I think that conversation with Erin opened my eyes for what was to come...it reminded me that coincidences should be regarded as big red flags...


Meanwhile, I've been teaching Mr. Pardon, the rich entrepreneur of the "Pardon" chain of stores here in the Indian Ocean. It was actually Erin's job, I was just substituting on the days she couldn't go. Well on Monday, she tells me that her assistant position in the school district starts this week and she can no longer teach Mr. Pardon, so I would be finishing off the week with him. On Tuesday, Mr. Pardon and I get into a conversation about his life...how he started his business and the insane ups and downs he's gone through with it. I was amazed. Inspired. Mr. Pardon (now almost 60) has been filthy rich, then bankrupt, then rich again, then robbed, then his store was set on fire, then rich again, then sued by the (last) French President's wife, then robbed again a couple more times. When he tells the story, he is smiling. When he has those super low lows in his life, he never said "I was so depressed." Instead, he would think "ok, what's next?" Then he got out the only two English books in his giant library--books he bought while in South Africa for a month. They are books by Paul Arden, kind of inspirational, about taking chances and going off the beaten path. I don't know why, but the moment just struck a chord with me. He let me borrow the books.

The next day, I had to take the bus up to St. Denis, so I had lots of time to read the books. The sun was shining on the ocean, and the sky was 5 different shades of blue. The wind was fresh and it felt really good coming through the windows on the bus. I had my music on and for some reason, the books were really making me excited for something. Motivated to do something. And then, for no real reason, I started thinking about my Dad and a couple of my friends telling me that I should write a book. I just brushed the thought off when they said it---what do I have to say that is special? Sure, I've traveled a little, but it's not something new. There's millions of American girls who travel, fall in love, and move across the world. Eat, Pray, Love beat me to it. So did a million other books about humorous American/French culture-clashing relationships. 
Why should I think that whatever I have to say is anything anyone wants to read about? What do I possibly have to offer? 

If I've learned anything from Mr. Pardon, it's that sometimes you just gotta go for it. Take a risk. It was a little ironic that he told me his real-life example of that just before giving me those books that said the exact same thing. Books he's never even read because he never finished learning enough English to read them. Why did he choose those books? He didn't even know what they were about. (I asked him that and he said it was because he liked their design...it had nothing to do with the content...another strange coincidence...) Why did he pick that day with me to search for the books? And why did he offer to let me borrow them? He didn't know what was going on in my head while we were looking through them...

THEN (don't laugh) I am on this mailing list from that Conversations with God book. Sometimes they just email you some quotes or positive things to think about. That night, I received this in my inbox: 

On this day of your life, jen, I believe God wants you to know...

...that you are only one short step away from manifesting

what you need to reach your goal.

Do not stop now. Whatever you do, do not stop now.

Okay? Is that clear enough? Is that a clear enough sign?

You asked for a sign, didn't you?

So, is that clear enough?

And just now, before I started to write this blog, I checked out Susan Miller's astrology page. This is what she had to say to me...

The move of Saturn into your ninth house of learning, speaking, traveling, and philosophy will mark a monumental change in your life starting October 5 and continuing three years, until September 17, 2015. This is an area of your chart that is all about learning new information, giving out information, and assessing information in the philosophical sense. This house also rules foreign travel. Travel may become a bigger part of your life, and you will more likely go to foreign lands so that you can learn from your travels and broaden your thinking and your horizons. Your whole mind will open up, and with that, your goals will broaden, too. Saturn is always about reaching for the stars and trying big things, you may sell a book or screenplay idea in the coming three years. You may get a visa, green card, or passport from a foreign country, or go through a lawsuit which seams to take time, but that may eventually benefit you.

So after all that...I'm finding it hard to ignore it all and say "wow what a bunch of strange coincidences..."

I still don't know what I possibly have to offer the world, but I do have some stories and I did make some (huge) mistakes in my life. Maybe I can make some little girl somewhere who is going through the same thing know that she isn't so alone. Maybe I could inspire someone to take a risk too, like Mr. Pardon just did for me. At the very least, maybe it will be therapeutic to write all of the swirling questions out of my head. Maybe I could write our tropical French love story, and then they'll make it into a movie, which I will of course act in...and voila, my life would be complete!!

The only problem is...I have no idea where to start...