The people you fight for.

"The hardest thing in life is to know which bridge to cross and which one to burn."  David Russell.

I have a great unanswered question in my life, and that is the idea of relationships. And I don't mean just couples, but relationships with all the people in your life; friends, family, co-workers, acquaintances.

I have come to understand life to be a journey you take alone (or with God, for me). During this journey, your path will cross paths with others who are on their own journeys. Sometimes your paths align for months, for years, for decades. But eventually, things change and you continue on your separate ways. Maybe you telephone and catch up every 6 months or so. But you no longer share your day to day life with these people.

Sometimes it hurts when you realize that you and someone you love are no longer walking along the same path. And things that are important to you are no longer important to them. And maybe you thought what you had was stronger, and that it would last longer, that it would last to the end of time.

Here are some examples:

I had a roommate whom I loved, and when we were in the same points in our lives we had a wonderful time together. Then I moved to France to follow my dreams, and her life continued. I sent emails, pictures, texts...I called when bad things happened to her and tried my best to be a good friend from far away. But of course, her life went on without me. She found a new roommate, and a new boyfriend, and she became very busy. Too busy, in fact, to talk much anymore.

I also have an older brother. He has his own family and his own life and for a while, I tried to be a part of it. But we were very different, and so we kept drifting apart until one day everything exploded. And that was the last time we spoke to each other.

(For example three, just insert any romance I've had, because they obviously did not last.)

When the relationship fizzles to this point, my questions begin.

What are you supposed to do? If this was a movie, I would fight for the relationship. I would send love letters every day for a year, even with no response, like that guy from the Notebook. I would take the next plane home, fly to their doorsteps in the rain, and have a long speech prepared which would show them how important they are to me, and win them back.

But since this isn't a movie, and things aren't so simple, I don't know what to do, really. Do I fight, or do I accept that people walk their own path, lives change, and just be happy for the time we shared together? Because in the end, people are just human. And how can I force someone to make time for me if it isn't something they really want to do? I mean, I'm the same way...If there is someone that I really want to keep in my life, I will make time for them (even if it can only be just a little bit!) and I will try my best to maintain the relationship.

Sometimes I wonder about myself and my gypsy tendencies. Do I move around so often because I have not made any strong relationships to root me in one place? Or do I have no strong relationships because I move around so often? Am I running free? Or running away?

Then this weird thing happened the other day. My best friend from high school and I finally talked for the first time since I've moved here. I was angry! because I had sent emails that had gone unanswered and it's been four months. And sometimes, when it was hard here, I really needed her.
After a few hours of bickering about what friendship means to each of us, I gave up and told her "Look, I understand. That's life. We are in different places, and it's sad, but it happens." But to my surprise, she responded: "No. You are not getting out of this friendship that easy. I'm going to keep fighting for you because I know we are going to be in each other's lives until we die."

That was the first time in my life anyone has ever said that to me. And it was the first time in my life that I realized how easily I give up on people...how easily I can shrug and say, "well, that's life." And then move on.

I still maintain that real, important relationships need constant work and attention, and that it simply is not enough to talk every couple months to "catch up." I think important people should share each other's daily lives, and that it is an effort made by both sides because they want to, not out of moral obligation, religious reasons, or some other kind of guilt. But at the same time, maybe I should realize that important people sometimes drift...but the fact is, they never drift too far. Maybe some people always hold a special place in their heart for you, one that can never be replaced by time or distance or other people. And that whatever is keeping you apart for now is just a tiny season of change...something you need to fight through to get to the other side...something that will make the reunion that much sweeter.

I am lucky to have people who will fight for me. Who remind me that I do have roots...and that I can always come home when my adventures get too lonely or scary. And although sometimes I wish they were around more, it gives me great hope to know that there are some people who will love you unconditionally, and never let you go.